People are about as happy as they make up their mind’s to be. So, why am I not feeling all that chipper?
I should feel great. Lots of things are going my way.
- My friends are planning a get-together ostensibly as a birthday party for me.
- My actual birthday is over Wizard World Chicago and I’ll be partying at D&B.
- My daughter made the national junior honor’s society. I made Ds in math.
- I made new contacts which should help me get a few creative projects off the ground
- One of my goals for 2008 was to write more and I’ve been doing it.
- I’ve written a first draft/first chapter of a novel and started tinkering with chapter two
- I’ve become a freelance contributor to a comics and pop culture magazine.
- My collection of non-fiction and short stories is coming together.
- I’m doing pretty good on my diet and I’m losing weight.
- I’m learning new marketing and promo techniques which are getting me excited.
Personally and professionally, I should be feeling good. I’m not and I think I know why. I’m alone.
Everyone around me has someone. A boyfriend/husband. A girlfriend/wife. I have a two and a half hours away girl who is missing me (especially after I told her I wouldn’t try and pursue her anymore as a girlfriend), but won’t take the step to be more than friends again and another girl who’s only about an hour and a half away, but I’m not sure what her intentions are or if it’s going to go anywhere (she is really cute though…)
I rejoined Match.com, promptly found three potential matches, sent emails and was deafened by the sound of no one returning my emails. Everybody on there seems desperate and now I feel desperate myself by going back.
I don’t do the bar scene. I don’t approach women at bookstores or coffee shops (although I probably should…). My life is boring (and no I’m not going through some sort of midlife crisis.). Girls just don’t seem to look at me twice.
I wonder why anyone would want to be with me. I start questioning things and I lose my nerve… my confidence disappears. I was told once one of the most endearing things about me was my confidence. Where has it gone?
As I think about this, I’ve come to the conclusion that when I’m happy, I’m confident. If I’m not particularly happy about one aspect in my life, I suffer bouts of depression (not clinical depression, mind you. Just feeling down).
I need a relationship pick-me-up. Any cute girls wanna say hi?