Happy

People are about as happy as they make up their mind’s to be. So, why am I not feeling all that chipper?

I should feel great. Lots of things are going my way.

  1. My friends are planning a get-together ostensibly as a birthday party for me.
  2. My actual birthday is over Wizard World Chicago and I’ll be partying at D&B.
  3. My daughter made the national junior honor’s society. I made Ds in math.
  4. I made new contacts which should help me get a few creative projects off the ground
  5. One of my goals for 2008 was to write more and I’ve been doing it.
  6. I’ve written a first draft/first chapter of a novel and started tinkering with chapter two
  7. I’ve become a freelance contributor to a comics and pop culture magazine.
  8. My collection of non-fiction and short stories is coming together.
  9. I’m doing pretty good on my diet and I’m losing weight.
  10. I’m learning new marketing and promo techniques which are getting me excited.

Personally and professionally, I should be feeling good. I’m not and I think I know why. I’m alone.

Everyone around me has someone. A boyfriend/husband. A girlfriend/wife. I have a two and a half hours away girl who is missing me (especially after I told her I wouldn’t try and pursue her anymore as a girlfriend), but won’t take the step to be more than friends again and another girl who’s only about an hour and a half away, but I’m not sure what her intentions are or if it’s going to go anywhere (she is really cute though…)

I rejoined Match.com, promptly found three potential matches, sent emails and was deafened by the sound of no one returning my emails. Everybody on there seems desperate and now I feel desperate myself by going back.

I don’t do the bar scene. I don’t approach women at bookstores or coffee shops (although I probably should…). My life is boring (and no I’m not going through some sort of midlife crisis.). Girls just don’t seem to look at me twice.

I wonder why anyone would want to be with me. I start questioning things and I lose my nerve… my confidence disappears. I was told once one of the most endearing things about me was my confidence. Where has it gone?

As I think about this, I’ve come to the conclusion that when I’m happy, I’m confident. If I’m not particularly happy about one aspect in my life, I suffer bouts of depression (not clinical depression, mind you. Just feeling down).

I need a relationship pick-me-up. Any cute girls wanna say hi?