My whole body hurts. From my head (head, head) to my feet.
How, pray-tell, did this sorry state of affairs happen to the magnificent temple that is my current body? Well, there are three direct causes of my predicament: Moving my girlfriend to her new place, six Red Bulls and vodka and dancing to the sweet sounds of Paint the Earth.
You’ve got to move it, move it
I drove two and a half hours to help my girlfriend move to her brand new place about twenty feet away. Yes, I called the two and a half hours away girl my girlfriend again. I have no idea how accurate that term is, but I tried other terms and none of them ring true. I digress.
My girlfriend has a lot of stuff. I can’t quite go down the George Carlin route and call it shit, because, you know, it isn’t all shit. However, there’s a lot of shit here. And by shit I mean stuff she needs to throw away, sell or donate to a needy kid. I would never tell her to throw her scrapbooking supplies away, but the toy kitchen? Curb it, baby.
To be fair, she did go through a ton of stuff and sat crap aside to either sell in a garage sale or hand to Mr. Trashcan. I’m pulling for Mr. Trashcan, but I don’t usually have a vote in the process.
We focused on furniture and larger pieces she couldn’t move herself. I picked up and moved a couch and four different shelving units, a couple of the heaviest tables I have ever lifted, a couple of desks, at least four dressers and quite a few plastic bins. We certainly made excellent headway, but the mountain of material was slightly overwhelming.
In the afternoon, I headed into St. Louis to meet my friends who were throwing a month late birthday party for me.
I needed Wings (and not the Paul McCartney kind)
When I drink, I’m drinking one of three things:
- Beer, if it’s that kind of party.
- CC & 7, if I’m doing the social thing or having a drink before/with dinner.
- Red Bull and Vodka, if I want to be dancing, heckling the band and not driving.
It was going to be a Red Bull and Vodka night.
My three gorgeous companions and I strolled into the Trainwreck at Westport Plaza to listen to one of our favorite bands, Paint the Earth. We walked and it was entertaining to see the drooling boys as my companions strolled past.
I had already had two RBVs and I ordered a new one when we got there. And then three more.
I danced. I drank. I “saved” my gorgeous companions from the ill advised advances by various and sundry.
And then I got hit on by the manly-chinned woman. She was there with her boyfriend and I assume took a shine to me and mine.
Now, I was dancing up a storm and I was getting hot. The girls took it upon themselves to cool me down with ice from their drinks. One said she would be happy to put it down my shirt and I said, within ear shot of the manly-chinned woman, that I’d rather it be down my pants. The manly-chinned woman then proceeded to try and unbutton my Levi 501s (you know, the real tight ones). She was half-serious and half-joking, but I got the distinct impression that I could have had my way if I was reasonably into it… which I wasn’t.
We started dancing again and I noticed the manly-chinned woman getting all hot and bothered with her boyfriend. He was dancing behind her and copping plenty of feels. I promptly turned away and let them have their fun. Of course, she danced a bit closer to me and wanted to be the meat in a sandwhich of her devising.
Just prior to this invasion of my dance space, I learned later she asked my friend if I was with all three girls. She said, “yes.” The manly-chinned woman smiled at this and asked if I was a swinger because she was interested in what I might offer.
Back to the manly-chinned sandwhich. She pressed up against my back with her boobs and then came within inches of Mr. Happy with her left hand. I’m sure she got a good handfull of my iPod nano in my jeans pocket, but I think she was interested in something a bit more to the right.
I stepped up out of her reach and said as non-verbally as possible that I wasn’t interested. Now, if I would have had maybe one or two more RBVs…
Like I said, we came to see the band, drink a bit and dance. The band was quite good. Paint the Earth has a great mix of cover songs from U2 to Buckcherry to Def Leppard. I think the girls just think the lead singer is hot.
When I first saw the band, they played this great song I had never heard before called So Lonely. I asked about the song and found out it was a Police song. I was amazed I had never heard it before. I am not nor was I ever a huge Police fan, but I like their hits and I thought this song should have been a hit.
Saturday night, during a break between sets, I asked the band if they’d play So Lonely. Toward the end of the night, I was thinking they weren’t going to do it, but the second to last song of the evening was the Police track.
They said they didn’t know it very well, but I thought they blew right throught the song in rocking good time fashion.
As we were walking back to the car, I exclaimed that I was pretty sure the manly-chinned woman copped a good feel for my iPod nano. One of my friends wondered aloud if she thought maybe I had a very hard and flat dick I exclaimed that she just wanted to turn my iPod nano into an iPod touch. Baby.