1. Have you ever killed a man?
No, but I can make you a man with blonde hair and a tan. I bet he’s good for relieving your… tension.
2. With your own hands?
I have this knowledge.
3. What, in your opinion, is the best way to transport contraband across state and country lines?
Since there are no check points from state to state, it is effortless to transport contraband across state lines. At least that’s what Bandit and Snowman told me.
4. Even if you’re transporting explosives?
I guess under a great deal of pressure, a can of Coors might be considered explosive…
5. Really? Have you ever known me to lie?
Does anyone of us really know another person. I just watch ol’ Bandit… watch him run.
6. Have you ever stolen a library book?
I have never stolen a library book. I might have borrowed a CD and then circumvented the length of time I was allowed to borrow the CD by ripping it to my computer, but technically I would just be holding a copy for the library… in case, you know, it burned down or something.
7. On purpose, or only because you found it under your bed years after you reported it lost and paid the fine?
I find your follow-up question insulting and stupid.
8. Where were you on November 1, 2007?
I was reading Wil Wheaton’s The Happiest Days of Our Lives.
9. Can you prove it?
10. You had to think about that, didn’t you?
Your assumption that I had to use my actual brain to derive my whereabouts on the date in question is insulting and stupid.
11. How much is it worth to you for me to pretend I didn’t notice?
Frankly, I could not care less if you are offended. Do what you will.
12. Have you spent years building up an immunity to iocane powder? (And if you know a faster method, will you share it?)
No, but I do have something to tell you. I’m not left handed either.
14. Now try to convince me you only know that because you were a Girl/Boy Scout/Guide once.
I was never a Girl/Boy Scout/Guide. I was, however, a member of the KISS Army.
15. How many digits of pi can you recite from memory?
Only one. She was my cherry pie. Cool drink of water, such a sweet surprise.
16. Did you have to count out the digits on your fingers to answer that?
No, but it did taste so good it made a grown man cry. Sweet cherry pie…
17. Did you check online to make sure you remembered right before answering?
No need. I have Bobbie Brown’s cherry pie memorized.
18. Does all this talk about numbers make you uncomfortable?
She was a hot little number now wasn’t she? Whatever happened to her….
19. Or are you just wondering what it has to do with the rest of the meme?
Now I might have to go look her up online…
20. Seriously, where did you bury the body?
Out by Uncle Tom’s Cabin…
21. Where were you on March 16, 2036?
Scratching off the winning lottery ticket, getting excited, having heart attack, going into cryosleep, waking up in the year 2108 and deciding to try lucid dreaming back to the year 2006 and not make that one big mistake.
22. If all your friends jumped off a bridge, would you jump, too?
Yes, because I’m a blind follower of whatever my friends do.
23. What is the ninja replacement score for your life?
At least five. My life would be improved with the addition of more ninjas.