The Pussification of Battlestar Galactica

It has taken me a few days to wrap my head around the series finale of Battlestar Galactica. I think, finally, I’ve decided the final two hours started out with great potential, but Ronald D. Moore “pussed” out. All the stories and parables about technology gone amuck and the fragility and resilience of the human race ultimately meant nothing.

Everything that led up to the end… all the suffering… all the loss… all the choices right or wrong… was ignored all because Apollo thinks humans should walk away from wonderful things like medicine, weapons and other technology and conveniences to break an imaginary cycle.

Bull. Shit.

It would never, ever happen. The realistic portrayal of real human emotions that appeared on my screen in the form of a science fiction space opera on Friday nights would never have let that happen. On the other hand, lazy, pansy ass writers might let it happen. And they did.

The very idea thousands of people would happily land on a completely alien planet and forgo all the benefits of their technology like basic tools, medicine, food, etc is beyond my comprehension. I can happily ignore the unreality of a huge ship in space “jumping” to another point light years away, but asking people to live off the land after living on a starship with food, shelter, doctors, medicine, weapons and a freakin’ moonshine bar is too much. It doesn’t fit the reality of the situation.

The answer to the return of Starbuck was that she might have been a very confused angel who everyone could see and interact with is almost as laughable as Patrick Duffy coming out of the shower. She lead humanity to the new/our Earth, but throughout her return she was called the harbinger of doom? I don’t get it. There should have been a real solution to her return and what we got was a weak disappearing act.

Don’t get me started on the Cylons who are given a fully-functional Basestar to go off and do their own thing. Didn’t the Cylons nuke all the planets of humanity? Would it not be prudent to think a bit harder on what they might decide to do with all that power? The lip service we get is “it’s worth the risk.” I feel like Seth Meyers in full “Oh REALLY?” mode.

All of the convoluted and confusing plot points of the series including the Final Five Cylons, Hera’s importance, the shared dream, the head Baltar and Six and even Starbuck herself amounted to nothing in the end. No real payoff. Other than God works in mysterious ways. It’s a cop-out and it’s lazy writing.

Even in the final assault, nobody was killed. Deaths occur later, but there wasn’t even a heroic death. If there’s one thing the series finale needed was lots and lots of death. Moore was a big fat pussy.

I don’t know how to take the end of Battlestar Galactica. Was God the one with the real plan to bring humanity and Cylons together to make Eve? Was God trying to save humanity from itself? Are the head Baltar and Six really angels?

You may feel things were wrapped up nicely and that the finale was a fine coda to four years of space opera. You may feel the open-endedness was a blessing and allows fans to fill in the gaps. I can see that. However, Battlestar Galactica was amazing television that ended on, for me, the lowest point possible.