Teenage Girls in the 21st Century

This weekend was spent with my daughter and a friend of hers at the fabulous Key Lime Cove up near the Wisconsin border in Gurnee, Illinois. The trip was planned as a very late birthday present to my kiddo.

Key Lime Cove is an indoor water park resort. It featured a large wave pool, two tube slides, a vortex tube slide and two body slides. Of course, there’s all sorts of other things happening like a large game room where you can earn tickets for prizes (which aren’t nearly worth the money to play the game to begin with, but that’s the whole point!) and scavenger hunts all across the resort. There’s also a day spa on site.

In my capacity as planner, chauffer and keeper of the greenbacks, I was rewarded with an hour or so in the hot tub and a trip around the lazy river. With my knee surgery only two weeks old, I didn’t feel the need to test it by going down any of the slides. However, I did get to learn more about life as a teenage girl in 2010.

I met up with the girls as I was relaxing in the hot tub. They informed me of their earlier adventures in spying cute boys and if they happened to notice any of them looking in their direction. I sat in rapt attention as they described two such boys around their age who they spotted glancing more than once in their direction.

The girls had dubbed the boys Justin and Jonathan for no other reason other than they looked like a Justin and Jonathan. I asked what their plans were if the J Crew had decided to throw all caution to the wind and speak to them. At this, they went into their planned subterfuge. The girls had created aliases for themselves, Kaylee and Haylee. They would be fraternal twins visiting their father in Chicago. Their last name was going to be Armstrong for Louis Armstrong (Yes, they are band geeks).

I asked what they were planning to do if the J Crew asked them for their numbers. They said they’d probably give out their cells. I shook my head and informed them that just would not do and they needed to memorize a rejection hotline number for Illinois. They hadn’t thought of that, but I think they’ll add it to their future deceptions.

Another observation of two teenage girls in the 21st century is their insistence on things being WIN or FAIL. Cute boys giving them the once over look is full of WIN, but spilling a milk shake all over the table and chair is a FAIL.  I thought it was just an Internet thing, but apparently it’s also the current slang of Middle America.

When called out for their slang terms, I was told in my day I used to say “Groovy.” Smiling through clenched teeth, I said I was old, but not that old. I felt it was a teachable moment to explain to the next generation what slang was really like in the dark ages of the 1980s, so I called my daughter “totally tubular” and her friend “radical.” I said the suite we were in was “Boss” and that I couldn’t wait to go down the “bitchin’” water slides.

They collectively rolled their eyes at me.