Jesse Camp for President

Remember when MTV had a contest to pick a new VJ, and this dude Jesse Camp beat Dave Holmes? It was all “funny, ha ha.” Here’s this obviously qualified person with an encyclopedic knowledge of music over here, and over there is this lanky street kid who looks and talks funny.

Of course, the weird kid won.

Camp was terrible. MTV knew it, but they kept him employed for a few years. The novelty got old. People tuned out. Camp left MTV, made a shitty record, and is nowhere to be found today.

MTV wisely hired Dave Holmes, and he had a much longer career at MTV. He was good at hosting things and also was a pretty good writer. Today, he’s an Editor-At-Large for Esquire.

I tell you all this because Donald Trump is essentially Jesse Camp.

Enough “funny, ha ha” people voted for Trump in 2016, but by 2020 his schtick was tired. It was supposed to be a joke, but then people started listening to him and his crazy hits. Of course, just like Jesse, we learned the truth. Camp was born into a wealthy family. His “street kid” persona was an act. There was nothing of substance there. Same thing with Trump. He was never a skillful businessman; he was born wealthy. It’s all an act.

So here we go again. Trump has announced he’s running for President, and the collective world basically yawns, picks their nails, and says, “Him again….” Nobody cares. Well, some people care, but not many. Not enough to fill that black void where Trump’s heart used to be. Ivanka could not be bothered with any of this shit. The current Republicans are running as far away from him as possible. Big donors are done. Hannity and their ilk are done.

He’s boring.

So dull that large swaths of people who watched his low-energy performance tried to get the hell out of there and were forced to stay by security.

I didn’t watch. Why would I? Why would anyone? He’s an infomercial ad that appears on my TV at 3 am. He’s a car alarm that nobody pays attention to anymore.

He’s over. It’s over before it even begins.

This is how NPR announced Trump’s running for President:

BREAKING: Donald Trump, who tried to overthrow the results of the 2020 presidential election and inspired a deadly riot at the Capitol in a desperate attempt to keep himself in power, has filed to run for president again in 2024.

That’s devastating, and they weren’t even trying.

Look, everyone knows why he’s running: He thinks running will shield him from all the indictments coming down the pike as early as January. He thinks running will save him from criminal prosecution.

He may be right. I hope not.

I think most people would rather he fades away into obscurity.

Like Jesse Camp.